“If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?”

It’s such a broad question I struggle to find an answer. I suppose most people would respond that they’d ask for a tree that grew money, or a genie, or super powers. All of these answers seem too easy—too selfish.

I stir the straw of my drink three times, as if I’ll find an answer in the contents of my watered down lemonade. The liquid and tiny ice cubes spin around and around in circles, like an underwater tornado.

A wrinkled old man sporting a pair of thick black-brimmed glasses at the table next to me is reading The New York Times. Although his face is matured and spotted brown from years in the sun, his eyes are bright. He greets a kind, crooked smile to a golden retriever that eagerly sniffs the man’s wing tip Italian leather shoes. He lifts up his grey fedora, revealing slicked back white puffs of hair. Out of the right pocket of his sports coat, he whips out a comb and pushes back what left of his hair he has.

The mannerisms displayed by this man are one of a character in the background on a 1920’s silent movie. This stranger gives me a brilliant idea.

“I’d want a time machine.”

“Where would you go?”

My mind races.

1920s: Laughter, over the spunky jazz music, fills the air. Flutes of prohibited sparkling champagne clink, spilling liquid gold onto the white marble floor. Women classily strut by in their flapper dresses, their necks wrapped in pearls. Those on the dance floor are waltzing, doing the foxtrot, and the charleston. Perhaps this is the most poetic time in American society. Welcome to the Roaring 20s.   
1950s: Sally goes home from school to a picture-perfect, white, picket-fenced house. Mom puts a fresh homemade casserole on the table. This is the Baby Boom Era, when family values were important; everyone had a sense of togetherness.  Welcome to the 1950s. Mom happily goes to the florist, wearing her hair curled into ringlets, using her polite southern mannerisms to charm everyone who comes her way. Johnny takes  Sally on a date at the drive-in movie theater. The Civil Rights Movement is sweeping America, finally moving towards equality for all colors of skin.

1960s: Crowds of people sway their hips and move their bodies wildly to the live music being played by the most appreciated guitarist in rock and roll history.  Flower children are dressed in minimal clothing, smelling of earth and grass. Sweat drips down the face of a god disguised as a human, Jimi Hendrix. Welcome to Woodstock Music Festival, summer of 1969.

1980s:  The raw popularity of polaroid shots. Not attempting to perfect the photo over and over, just being given one opportunity to remember a moment.

I would go to the influential moments throughout my parents lives: seeing the town my dad grew up in, the smile on my mom’s face when she bought her first car with her own money, my dad’s first kiss, my mom’s sixteenth birthday, my dad telling his parents he dropped out of college to live on the road, the day my mom got into college, the day my parents met. The day they each realized they were in love. The day they had their first fight. The last time they hugged each other. Although they are living separate lives, they are the humans who placed me on this earth. They have lived so much life I could not fathom to imagine inside my head.

“Everywhere. I’d want to see everything,” I answer.

This is what is expected of a girl: Picking apart everything about yourself until you’ve run dry, until the only thing you crave more than being beautiful is attention from a man. Your sadness is only meant to exist so that a man can fulfill you, complete you because you are incomplete without him; being whole on your own is not enough. We were taught to look up to a certain type of model. Our society teaches us that the ideal female is one that is mysterious (but not TOO mysterious), allusive, skinny (but not TOO skinny), acne free, you aren’t pretty without makeup (but you can’t wear too much), confident (but not cocky), and interesting (but not inside the borderline of being strange). Every girl is your competetion, not friend. Women are flowery, fragile. Women are supposed to be looked at, are supposed to cook and reproduce. Your body is theirs, not yours, not anymore.

This is what is expected of a guy: Boys are taught to “man up”. Men don’t cry, even if you are hurt, even if you are aching with every inch of your soul to let it out, you are weak if you shed a tear. When you are angry, you are physical, because talking things out is foreign. The word gay is an insult. You are the provider. It is your job to text first. You are always lustful and wanting sex. Men like sports, cars, the great outdoors, and power. Without thick muscles, a cutting jaw line, and a height mark above six-foot, you are not desirable.

We hold people to unspoken rules about who they can and cannot be, inflicting stereotypes and labels of our own through terms of social conversation and power structures. You have to be different but within the parameters that are still normal, because having any radical views, or any unique outfit choices, and you are immediately put into a separate box. If you feel things deeply it is romanticized, but if you talk about how you feel, you are seeking attention. God forbid you show emotion.

Open your eyes, open your mind. 

Throughout my teenage years, my body has been ridiculed, criticized, and shamed.

I have been called every negative name I can think of because I’ve never been the skinny girl. I’ve never been the friend with the perfect face or long legs.

The worst part? I allowed these thoughts of others to control how I saw myself. I recently read a book titled The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz. Not only was this one of the most inspiring, eye-opening books I have ever read, but also something that affected how I controlled my thoughts. One of the agreements was to not let black magic effect you. Bad words are black magic and good words are white magic. When others speak negatively they  are putting their black magic on you, and if you allow it to effect you, you are agreeing with it. You are allowing their words to suffocate you. You never disliked the ways your ears looked until someone else did.

How sad is it to think that at some point I’ve cried over what others have said about my outsides when they haven’t had the opportunity to shake hands with my soul.

Look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself why you don’t like certain parts of your body. Is it because it doesn’t look like someone else’s? Why do you want to look like someone else? You are you, I am me. We have lived two different lives, we have two different parents, with two different family histories, of course we are not the same.

Rather than hating your body, be thankful for it. You are alive. You may not have perfectly white teeth but they work great when smiling at a stranger on the street. Your nose may be a bit crooked but it still allows you to know the wonders of the smell of apple pie and freshly cut grass. Your ears may be too large for your head but you can hear the warm chords of your favorite song.

Your body may be a temple, but you are the god whom it was built for. Love yourself.

(Note: Parts of this were written and edited by my wonderful friend Rachel Fazio, follow her on instagram here)

Feminism is one of the most controversial and misunderstood concepts in our society today.

Before confusing those who don’t know what feminism is, here is the exact definition: 

Key word: Equality

I spent years scrunching my nose and rolling my eyes when I heard the word feminism. I would scoff and claim to be high above what seemed to be a silly notion to me. My lack of understanding and education caused me to see feminism as nothing more than women who believed they were better than men and didn’t want to wear shirts.

Going into my sophomore year of high school I read a poem online that changed the way I would see feminism forever.

“I AM A FEMINIST

           For every trans woman who’s been slaughtered solely for existing.

I AM A FEMINIST

           Because Malala Yousafzai took a bullet to the brain for wanting an education.

I AM A FEMINIST

           For every lesbian, bisexual and pansexual woman who’s been sexually objectified.

I AM A FEMINIST

           Because disabled men and women make 22 cents to the white man’s dollar.

I AM A FEMINIST

           For every little boy who’s had to repress his emotions because “boys don’t get to cry.”

I AM A FEMINIST

           For every man who’s been looked down upon by ignorant people for wanting to wear heels or color on his finger nails.

I AM A FEMINIST

           Because my eight year old 75 pound god-sister told me she thought she was fat and needed to go on a diet.

AND I AM A FEMINIST

           For everyone who’s ever felt worthless and torn apart by societies vicious expectations and centuries old mannerisms. People are not pictures and life can’t be photoshopped. It is time to fill in the blanks of our history books and remember the ground we are standing on and who’s backs had to break to build it.”

-unknown

At first, I felt confused. Man, was I wrong. I thought feminism was a movement to empower women and create a ledge to attack men. I didn’t realize it was a movement to empower everyone and embrace diversity through equality.

After, I felt anger. Why didn’t we educate everyone on the real definition of feminism? Why wasn’t everyone a feminist? How could I be so ignorant?

A boy I was seeing sophomore year introduced me to one of his best friends and they were talking about how liberal I was. We were walking in the street and his friend stopped walking mid-conversation and turned to me with a smug look on his face, “Wait… you’re not a feminist are you?”

I opened my mouth to say something but flashes of the misinterpretation of what the feminism movement was played through my head. I felt fear of being seen as a man-hating feminazi. Before I could think of a response, the boy I was seeing cut me off and said, “Oh god no, she would never.” The same anger over ignorance I felt initially replaced my doubt of speaking my mind.

“Do you believe all humans on this earth are equal?” I asked.

“Well yeah, obviously,” his friend retorted, like I was the idiot.

“Then you’re a feminist too.”

He rolled his eyes and gave me a generic ignorant response, telling me that believing all humans are equal and being a feminist are not the same thing.

In order to make change in this world, we have to stand up for what we believe in, even if our voices shake and our hands tremble. This is a subject I’ve avoided writing about for a while because I was fearful of what others would think of me. I didn’t want to be just another angry feminist ranting on her blog.

I believe everyone should be the change they wish to see in the world, but change isn’t possible if all we do is sit on our hands and look the other direction when injustice occurs. I am finally using my voice to support a movement towards equality and peace.

If you disagree or don’t understand still, I urge you to educate yourself or do more research on your own beliefs.

Speak up for what you believe in, even if your voice shakes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A month ago, I returned home from a trip to Australia with National Geographic. Many people back home were curious what my on assignment project for studying wildlife and biodiversity consisted of. A lovely Canadian named Beverly and I were assigned to work specifically on the Great Barrier Reef. We decided our final would consist of sharing some insight and education on the reef and some tips on how to protect it.

The following piece will be submitted into a book that will combine every final project:

Hot sun kisses my back as a cold wind dances through my hair. Splash! The cold water shocks my skin like an electric eel. Every hue of blue you could imagine rests in the rocky waters I’ve just jumped into. Through the yellow mask strapped to my head, the world underneath me looks like every snorkeling brochure I’ve ever seen. Fish of every color swarm below me. I make eye contact with a huge Hump-headed Maori Wrasse (Cheilinus undulates) and he quickly tries to scurry off. In this moment it hits me: I am in swimming in the Great Barrier Reef, one of the seven natural wonders of the world.

Scientists say the Great Barrier Reef is averaged to be about 344,400 km² long, the same size as Japan. The reef is home to six hundred plus types of coral, six out of seven’s endangered turtle species, one-thousand, five-hundred species of fish, one hundred, thirty-four species of sharks and rays, and thirty different species of marine mammals. The Great Barrier Reef is the only visible living thing from space.

No research and photos could have actually prepared us for the real Great Barrier Reef. Although we only had time to spend two days out on the reef, the entire experience there was absolutely surreal. A small, often unappreciated beauty of the reef lies in the interdependence of the individual reef systems. Although the entire Great Barrier Reef is composed of a multitude of individual reefs, these separate systems live and breathe together as one unified system. The reef acts as a home for thousands of different species as well as seasonal breeding grounds for animals like humpback whales.

Due to process of ocean acidification and global warming that triggers coral bleaching, there was a horrifying amount of dead and damaged coral present. In 1998, studies showed that 50% of coral was bleached, 5% was damaged, and only 45% of coral had remained unaffected. Just four years later in 2002, the amount of bleached coral jumped to 60% and the amount of unaffected coral was only 35% – we can only imagine what the numbers are today.

In February this year, a mass bleaching event –very likely triggered- by global warming occurred. Coral reefs thrive at a comfortable temperature of approximately 26 degrees centigrade, but in February the ocean heated up to a whopping 32 degrees celsius. A great amount of coral was unable to survive this extreme heat; hence the event being labelled a “mass bleaching event.” Research during this event put in evidence that 93% of coral is showing signs of stress. Ocean acidification, much like global warming, works to further coral bleaching.

Currently, the effects of ocean acidification are not as obvious as those of global warming, but scientists believe that it will have the biggest impact long term. To put it simply, ocean acidification occurs when the ocean absorbs carbon dioxide in the atmosphere which results in the creation of carbonic acid and a decrease in the ocean’s pH. The presence of carbonic acid in the ocean prevents coral, as well as other ocean creatures such as giant clams and crabs, from building up their exoskeletons in a process called calcification. In a 2008-09 study, scientists found that coral reef calcification (the process by which coral creates its exoskeleton) decreased by 40% compared to results pulled from studies in 1975-76. Ocean acidification will ruin the coral, and how can a coral reef survive without it?

To protect the oceans and the wildlife that lives in it, every person can do their part. During this trip we had the opportunity to talk with a marine biologist named Johanna Leondhardt that works daily on monitoring and exploring the reef. She clued us in on some easy ways to protect the reef.  Making others aware of the damage being done to the reef is the first step to protecting the wildlife. Turning off the lights when they are no longer being used, unplugging appliances that are in the outlets, and being more environmentally responsible with transportation can help keep the coral reef alive. Eating exotic fish can set off the balance prevent the offset of an entire ecosystem of the food chain; a quick google search on whether or not an animal is endangered can maintain the ecosystem’s balance. Another way to protect the creatures of our oceans is to reduce the amount of plastic we consume. Animals often get caught up in plastic waste, such as six packs. By cutting up a six pack and recycling it, rather than throwing it in the trash, a sea turtles’ life can be saved. Microfibers of plastic have been found all over the ocean, even our smallest creatures are unaware that eating trash can kill them. In order to do our part in protecting the creatures of the sea, we must filter what is being allowed to go into their habitat. The coastal mangroves in tropical Australia filter the natural fertilizers and sediments out of the water with their root system, keeping the water clear, allowing for photosynthesis with the coral polyps. The mangroves are a nursery for a lot of the animals that live in the Great Barrier Reef, a couple examples being rays and fish. Not supporting big corporations that tear down the mangroves for commercial property, such as large hotels, can also help reduce the amount of coral bleaching that occurs.

The opportunity to see such incredible wildlife present in the reef up close was the introduction for a need to protect the ocean for a lifetime.

 

Don’t tell me that my eyes are like stars

Don’t tell me my hair is soft as silk

Do not tell me I am beautiful just based off of the skin I was born in, the bone placement I did not pick, and the voice I speak with

Tell me my mind is a terrible, terrifying, intriguting place

Tell me that my dreams are orange sunlight hitting skyscrapers in the late afternoon, making the whole city look on fire

Tell me through chokes of laughter that you never want to leave my side because no one can make your insides glow like that

My mind is who I am

My words and actions are a reflection of who I choose to be

My outsides consist of a genetic assignment

I am not a body or face

I am soul

I spent three weeks in Australia with National Geographic. I met incredible people, saw some kangaroos, and swam in crystal clear waters. Enjoy.

 

This is my favorite passage from one of the best books I’ve ever read. The bold parts are the ones that really stood out to me and made me think:

“I’d like to repeat the advice that I gave you before, in that I think you really should make a radical change in your lifestyle and begin to boldly do things which you may previously never have thought of doing, or been too hesitant to attempt. So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.

If you want to get more out of life, Ron, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy. But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty. And so, Ron, in short, get out of Salton City and hit the Road. I guarantee you will be very glad you did. But I fear that you will ignore my advice. You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon, something every American should see at least once in his life. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover.

Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon. You are still going to live a long time, Ron, and it would be a shame if you did not take the opportunity to revolutionize your life and move into an entirely new realm of experience.

You are wrong if you think Joy emanates only or principally from human relationships. God has placed it all around us. It is in everything and anything we might experience. We just have to have the courage to turn against our habitual lifestyle and engage in unconventional living.

My point is that you do not need me or anyone else around to bring this new kind of light in your life. It is simply waiting out there for you to grasp it, and all you have to do is reach for it. The only person you are fighting is yourself and your stubbornness to engage in new circumstances.”
― Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild

 

 

 

 

These are some personal notes I reworked from my journal + some beautiful photos I took this past week.

I take three deep breaths, clench and unclench my trembling hands, and repeat the mantra that has been circling through my head for days, “The world is a beautiful place and I am no longer afraid to die.”

For two years I’ve missed out on countless incredible opportunities because my anxiety controlled me. This year the anxiety became so bad there were a lot of days where I couldn’t even leave my house. I put myself in a tiny box and tightly sealed the lid, allowing myself to stay in the abyss of my comfort zone.

Coming from a family that travels a lot, I struggled to keep up with the outgoing mindset everyone had about all the activities we would do while on these trips. As a result, I would just insist everyone should go ahead because I wanted to practice my ukulele or go for a walk. Endless excuses spilled out like ink on a piece of paper. My irrational fears were controlling me.

A few weeks ago, my mom told me that we’d being going on a cruise through Alaska for our family vacation. Immediately, my mind began to race.

I hate flying on airplanes and I don’t know what the flight to Canada is like. What if we hit turbulence? What if something is wrong with the plane?

I’d never been to Canada. What if I get separated in an area I’ve never been to?

Missing three days of school means a lot of catch up work..

A cruise? I’d never even been on a boat for more than half a day. A whole week?

There’s icebergs in Alaska… is it even safe to sail there?

What if something is wrong with the ship?

Every possible irrational fear rushed through my head. I was well aware of how irrational these fears were; but they still existed. I couldn’t communicate how I felt about my fears to anyone because they would simply just respond that everything would be fine.

The reality was I was aware that not everything is always fine. I’ve been in a lot of situations where the unlikely happened. The unlikely could happen again.

I declined the offer of a once- in-a-lifetime trip and said I would just stay with my dad, using school as an excuse. I decided the things we would be doing on the trip would cause too much stress and anxiety for me.

A week before the trip, I had a mind bending realization behind the meaning of a quote that had been circling my thoughts for months.

The world is a beautiful place and I am no longer afraid to die.

It was something I had read on a bathroom stall months ago, but it took me some time to finally understand it. This could be easily interpreted to sound as a suicidal thought. For me, it was more of a positive mantra. My anxiety all circled around an ultimate fear of dying. I loved life so much I didn’t want to ever let it go. This quote spoke to me in a moment I needed it the most. There is so much to experience and see in this beautiful world that anxiety could no longer threaten my decisions.

So, I followed through with my decision, faced my fears and got on a plane to British Columbia. For the first time in a year and a half, I flew with zero anxiety. My mantra kept playing in my head. I felt powerful. I felt alive. I was facing my anxiety with two fists up, ready for anything to come, no longer hiding.

After a long day of customs and driving from one place to the next, we boarded the ship.

Two days of smooth sailing and no wifi had gone by, I felt at peace and ready to take on anything thrown my way.

I went ATVing and exploring in Chichagof, an island with the world’s highest concentration of wild coastal brown bears anywhere in the world, 4,400 bears to 1,100 people.Despite a huge fear I have of heights, I rode the world’s fastest zip rider at 65 MPH over Chichagof Island.

Watched the glaciers melt as a result of global warming.

I rode in a helicopter for the first time over the Mendenhall Glaciers in Juneau.

Trekked and ice climbed that same glacier shortly after.

Rode in a helicopter again…

Hiked Mount Roberts Trail after riding a tram up to the Nature Reserve.

A month ago, I had trouble leaving my house. Today, I climbed a mountain (literally). I did things I never would have been able to do if I hadn’t pushed through the thoughts in the back of my head. Once I learned to accept my anxiety as a part of me; then live despite my anxiety, all the fear inside of me melted away, like I was free.

I am no longer missing out on the roses because I’m afraid of being pricked by a thorn.

1.) Get Inspired

 

I know it sounds ridiculously cliché to read quotes to find inspiration, but I can’t count the number of times on both my hands and feet I have felt something powerful from the words of someone else. In moments that I feel frustrated or stuck I read little pieces of Demi Lovato’s, Staying Strong 365 Days A Year. My friend Grace and I sat on my bedroom floor for hours, hunched over this book, flipping through the pages and ripping out the quotes we liked most. Next time you can’t inspire yourself, allow the words of someone else to create that for you.

2.) Regroup, Take a breath

Chances are your mind is clogged because of the amount of pressure you’re facing in your daily life. Meditation is not just a religious activity, it is spiritual for the soul.

3.) Find some new music, create some new music 

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I’ve been writing silly little songs that seem to resemble Ingrid Michelson’s style. The simplicity combined with the easygoing lyrics make for a killer match. I pick a few chords and make up the lyrics out loud as I play.

Here are some songs to listen to if you’re not into playing an instrument:

Half Full Glass of Wine – Tame Impala

Sex Tourists – French Kicks

Rhiannon – Fleetwood Mac

Coming Home – Wild Child

Visions of Johanna – Bob Dylan

Lonely Lullabies – Kweku Collins

Flowers on the Wall – Tomorrows Tulips

Dancing in the Dark – Bruce Springsteen

 

4.) Reorganize & Redecorate

 

Perform a little feng-shui, burn a candle or incense, blast some Spooky Black, and get things in order. Cutting up old magazines and creating a vision board is always a good use of time.

5.) Go out Into Nature

Go for a walk, climb a tree, look at the flowers. Give your mind the space it needs to let go of the added up worries and stress that every day life brings to the table.

 

6.) Create.

Sometimes you can’t overthink it, you just have to let it come to you. “Don’t think, just do,” type of mentality.